I am a woman who has a history of doubt. I was plagued by it in middle and high school. What if? But why? Is there really a God? How do I know? What if it’s not like I thought it was? What if I’m wrong?

The worst part of doubting for me wasn’t the questions - it was the nagging guilt that always came along with it. “Shouldn’t I just hush and believe?” He gives us examples all through Scripture that show His response to doubting.

The very name of God’s chosen people, Israel, means to wrestle with God. The country, the history, traditions - all named after a man who wrestled with God. Wrestling with Him means you’re still in it, still yearning to believe even if you can’t find that belief within yourself.

The little whisper that won’t leave you alone, asking you to believe in something bigger, scarier. You know it’s Him, but you don’t understand it and you have no idea how to make the steps He’s calling you to make. Lucky for you, it’s not within your strength. It’s with His. “I believe! Help me overcome my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24)

In Luke 7 we see a powerful passage between John the Baptist and Jesus. John sends his disciples to ask Jesus if he really is the One?

Kind of a shocking scripture - John the Baptist - this radical who lived in the woods proclaiming of Christ’s coming, who called Him out from far away, who baptized Him and stood next to Him in the water while the Spirit called Him His son - is now wondering if Jesus is who John thought He was?

John teaches us that it is OK to doubt. It is ok. In fact, after Jesus sent his disciples back with an encouraging word for John, He went on to proclaim that “among those born of women, there is no one greater than John.” (vs. 28) Jesus did not look appallingly at the men. He did not send them back to John with a message of shame and guilt. He honored John’s honesty. Surely, John did not expect to be sitting in a prison after finally fulfilling his calling. He had to have been confused, hurt maybe. It makes complete sense that he would wonder, second guess himself, the prophesies.

If this man can doubt, then surely it makes sense for anyone else in history to do so as well.

I like to think of the famous doubting Thomas. One of my favorite moments is when Thomas is told of Jesus’ resurrection. Thomas will not believe it until he himself has seen the holes in Christ’s hands. And of course Jesus shows him, encourages Thomas to look and see the proof he needed. (John 20:24-29) We are taught in scripture that we will receive a new body after death. (2 Corinthians 5) Don’t you think that Jesus could have returned to earth with a scarless body? One with fully formed hands and no stripes on His side. But He knew that Thomas would need that tangible proof. Jesus could have returned with a flawless body to match His flawless Spirit and He choose to show up in a way that would help the doubters.

He had compassion and understanding for Thomas. He does for you, too.

In this fallen world where bad things happen to good people and it seems at times we mutter the same prayers in vain night after night, it makes sense that we would question and doubt. Let this be an encouragement to you. He witnessed the doubt of one of His own prophets and disciples, and instead of sending a message of anger, He replies with understanding and even commending and encouragement to touch and see the needed proof.

Do you fear that if God finds out you have been doubting Him that He will turn you away, angry at your lack of faith? I encourage you to lean into those questions, wrestle with them.

He is a big God. With that comes plenty of reasons to doubt. Our minds simply cannot comprehend Him. He knows that. His ways are not our ways. (Isaiah 55:8-9)He understands that there are seemingly conflicting stories in His word. He knows how hard it is to trust Him. He knows the fragility of the dust with which He formed us. And yet, He is gentle enough to come and sit next to you amidst those questions.

If you have questions about God, ask Him. He is big enough. You will not scare Him away. Let Him be the one that answers your doubts. Keep asking. Keep searching. Keep wrestling.